Numbers

I've never been good with numbers. Words have always come more easily to me. That's not to say that I haven't learned to appreciate them over time. I'm just not a natural numbers person. However, there are certain numbers that fascinate me.

3 - People always say that things, whether good or bad, happen in threes. I'm not really sure why. I bet Google the omniscient could tell me, but I prefer to wonder. Then there's the fact that three's a crowd. I tend to disagree with that notion. A crowd is A LOT of people. When displaying pictures and other decorating objects, it always looks best when grouped in threes. I'm also 1/3 of three children and I have three children. So I really like 3. I'm free to like 3.

5 - What's not to love about five? You can high five! It's easy to add, subtract, multiply and divide by five. People ask for fives all the time - I'll be there in five, give me five...people are very generous with fives. It's nice. 

7 - There are a lot of sevens in my birth date, so I'm naturally attracted to that number. But lucky seven also has a very memorable presence on a slot machine and is the only number that has that many days in a week! Actually every week! Then there's the mystery of the seven year itch. Oh, and I've been told that your body mutates every seven years, resulting in strange hair and skin changes. Yay! And you can't forget the adolescent game of seven minutes in heaven. It really wasn't that heavenly, but whatever.

10 - My fascination with numbers ends with ten. Perhaps it is because according to the AP Style Guide, all numbers ten and under should be spelled out? I know, I didn't do that throughout this rant. The tenth month is October - my favorite month - which means Autumn (even though it technically starts in September), my wedding anniversary, many happy family occasions, pumpkins and costumes. There are also the Ten Commandments and ten plagues - whether you believe, or not. Ten years is also a decade, a time frame that I reference when observing key takeaways from that period of my life - to be further discussed later. Finally, and possibly most importantly, ten is the number you count to when playing hide-n-seek.

I really wish I was more intrigued by numbers. But then I'd probably be spending my time blogging about solving math problems. And what fun is that?

Random questions that plague me

I've come to embrace my crazy. It's not such a bad thing. It's what makes me who I am. With that said, there are questions that I sometimes obsess over. Reasons I have trouble sleeping. Such as, why is karma referred to as a bitch? Or when did we as a society become so judgmental? Was it a moment? A series of events that led us here?

Why does the media crucify certain people and relieve others of any responsibility? Who chooses? 

Why do I get upgraded on 1 hour flights, but have to "suffer" in coach on 5 hour flights? Why do I ALWAYS have to pee as soon as we push off from the gate? Did my bladder not get the memo?

Why do good guys finish last? 

Where did I learn to expect that I would one day be "taken care of"? Disney? Cosmopolitan magazine? 

What is the fascination with the Kardashians?

Why don't we celebrate intelligence more often? 

How is it possible that at 18 you are able to choose local, state and national leaders that form and execute legislation that affect your rights, yet you can't legally choose to drink a glass of wine until 21? WTF?

Why are there so many warning labels on products that any person with half a brain should already know? Why do attorneys seek out the lack of warning labels on products? Oh that's right....I know that one. Money. 

Why is mental illness not given the same medical benefits as physical illness? 

How come Fannie Mae and other corrupt financial institutions get a pass, but those with outrageous student loans don't? 

Will my kids be okay? Will they resent me for having a career? 

Does my family eat too many GMOs? What really is a GMO? Why don't we, as Americans, question our food sources more? And why are fast food chains still in business?

Why are kids so cruel? And why is it a given? 

Why does bottled water taste SO much better than tap? 

Why is change so scary?

When will my brain shut off? Will my husband survive my craziness? Insert sigh here. 

Grateful Woman

Life is a collection of moments influenced by so many. As I recall those that have made an impact on my professional life, I realize that most are women. Many I've known well, some I've barely known and some I've never met. They are influencers, bosses, risk-takers, mothers, co-workers, leaders, business associates, friends and employees. Considering I work in a male-dominated industry, I consider myself lucky to have met so many strong, passionate, professional women. We may be the few, but wow are we mighty.

Sitting at an airport bar waiting for one more flight home, I met a younger version of me. She, too, is in the same industry. She, too, is faced with the same challenges, barriers, frustrations, double standards and inappropriate situations. We spoke of what we need to improve upon - to stop apologizing, to be more direct, to know what questions to ask, to lead conversations and to better negotiate.

The enlightening conversation reminded me of the importance of reflecting on my lessons. So as part of that reflection, here are some things I've learned along the way:

• It's important to support your fellow woman
• You are an ambassador of your gender - represent us well
• Expect to work at least 25% harder and be prepared to be paid at least 25% less than your male counterparts (something I hope changes soon)
• Thicker skin is an asset
• C-suite men typically don't "get" that you still want to be the parent who takes your child to the doctor - their wives handle it
• It would be so nice to have a wife
• Female intuition is something completely under appreciated
• We can be our own worst enemy
• Don't apologize for your emotions - it's a gift

These are just some of the many lessons I've learned. I know there are more, but I think that covers it for now. I am grateful for my mother who taught me how to earn an income and to take care of myself. I am thankful to the women before me who helped pave the way. And I am so glad I've had the pleasure of interacting with some awesome women. You know who you are.

What would I tell my 18 year old self?

Like most 18 year olds, I thought I knew a lot. I may have even thought I knew more than my peers having had to grow up quickly due to my upbringing. Before I begin to broach this topic, let's rewind to circa 1984. Prince was singing about when doves cry, Geraldine Ferraro ran for Vice President, and a television show debuted that was a god-send to me. No, it wasn't the Cosby Show which debuted that year, as well. It was a show called Kate & Allie. Let me explain.

There was a cultural shift occurring at that time. Women were finding their voices and getting back into the workforce, men were wearing makeup (mostly musicians but I still like writing that) and the American family that many watched weekly was an African American family. It appeared we were making progress!

Kate & Allie was a show about two divorced women with children who chose to become roommates in order to share expenses and make ends meet while raising their families. This arrangement provided a reference to a unique family unit helping me navigate a very difficult stage of my life. I lived in a household depicted in Kate & Allie. Only my experience was different. 

At a time when being gay was only a tendency assigned to hairstylists, musicians and closeted actors, I was in middle school when my mother came out to me. While this story is probably better served in another post, the experience had a lasting effect on me. Having the show to reference certainly made the transition into our new 'family' easier to explain, I didn't feel I could be honest about why we really lived together. The result was the realization of finding it hard to trust and acquiring the ability to build walls around me. That created barriers to believing in myself, finishing what I started and feeling like I belonged. At 18, I was actually more reserved than I saw myself. I thought I had a clue on life and its many challenges and rewards. I was so wrong.

So back to the question of knowing what I know now, what would I tell my 18 year old self? I would tell her this:

• It will be okay. Let life flow more. Stress less.
• Network, network, network. It really is about who you know.
• Invest in relationships with people worthy of your trust. Being selective is okay.
• Never stop learning. If not in formal education, in the school of life.
• Invest in your future now. SAVE that money, be thrifty! You'll need it more later.
• There's always a way to your goal - over, under, around or through any barriers. Don't let obstacles get in the way, whether they're tangible or just in your head.
• Have fun! Seek out experiences that will make you laugh, love and learn.
• And don't forget to call your mother. She did bring you into this world. The least you can say is thank you.

What advice would you give yourself?

Where did the time go?

It's been five years and 12 days since I have published anything here. How did that happen? More importantly, where did the time go? The answer is a long and complicated one. That's a lot of information to cram into one post. And what would be the point anyway? After all, that time is gone. I can't will it back, pray for its return or hope that I can make up for it down the road. Just like that, poof, it's gone.

So why question where it went? It is a pretty strange question when you think about it. After some pondering, a thought has occurred to me. There have been times when I have run into people from my past who unknowingly served as a mirror of a younger, firmer version of me. And after exchanging brief niceties and vague details on personal and professional achievements, one of the most common question asked is, "where has the time gone?". Really, who cares?

I'm an older and, I hope, wiser me. I have no plans of rehashing what I've lived through. I only plan on cherishing the lessons I've learned and the connections I've made - both with people and places. I am moving on. Forward facing. With intention. I keep telling myself that in hopes I will practice it every day.

From now on, this is a collection of the lessons I learn when I'm not laughing or yelling. And other random thoughts. :)




Photo credit: Rhino Neal

Sticky Surprise

My kids, like most kids, love treats. Candy, chocolate, lollipops - you name it, they love it. No, the obsess over it. I think they start every day with the thought 'what good deed can I do (or say I did) to get a treat?' Obviously I have mistakenly used treats as a means to reward good behavior. The problem is that the high five lost its novelty years ago. So, I motivate with treats. Sue me, Dr. Oz.

This past year I really have tried to transform our diet (sometimes to my husband's chagrin) into a more balanced and healthy one. Therefor, the treat days are numbered. In an effort to transition away from the treats, I introduced sugar-free gum. Now-a-days they have a bazillion and one flavors available unlike the blue Trident I grew up with. So I thought I am on to something here! What a selection! With names like Fabulous Fruitini and Sangria Fresca, where could I go wrong?

My soon-to-be 3 year old has quickly adopted the use of gum as a motivator. She loves, loves, loves gum. In fact, every time we get into the car (which with 3 kids, I am sure you can imagine how frequent that occurrence takes place) she pleads for a piece of gum. Seeing as she is merely 3 and may not get the concept of chewing without swallowing, I started her off small. A tiny piece here, a tiny piece there. She learned quickly.

One night, as I do every night, I went to pat Lyla's back to get her to sleep. I can thank the daycare for that little trick. Anyway, as I started patting, I realized that my hand was remaining connected to her pajamas. Little piece of gum, anyone??? The next day, a similar thing occurred. I went to take Lyla out of her car seat and her leg had this really long string attaching her leg to the strap. Another sticky surprise.

Once again, my brilliant ideas aren't turning out to be so brilliant. And I thought I had this parenting thing down.

Life can be cruel

I have been doing a bazillion things, as most mothers do. Juggling shuttling kids to and from camp, tending to my business, trying to keep my house in order - I said trying. I have been so tired, my fuse has been shorter than usual. Needless to say a lot of yelling this week. It doesn't help that my monthly visitor came this week. What I am getting at is all I really wanted this week was an uninterrupted 1-2 hour nap. That is all.

It may not seem like much, but to me this little nap would give me the gift of peace and rejuvenation. Monday didn't work out since we had too many errands to run. Tuesday was a repeat performance. Wednesday NO ONE would nap. I tried and tried, but alas no sleepy time for the little ones. Today, the youngest finally fell asleep. My middle was drifting off. I could see the light. I could touch it, taste it...As I laid down into my comfy bed and started to drift off, the door opened.

Maura: "Mom, I can't sleep."
Me: "Just come in here and lay down. I will even turn on your show."

I was desperate. However, she didn't sleep. She didn't even rest. I think she moved every 4-5 minutes. So, once again I did not get any rest. Instead, I took an invigorating shower. I came out of the shower to find Maura sleeping. Life can be cruel.